as i lay

on my bed sunshine gleams through my blinds, the summer is finally here. Over the last few days I've spent a lot of time travelling. I haven't yet decided on what career i want to aim for, however It's given me time to think about my life, the person I've become and also the person I aspire to be. I've come to the conclusion that the life i want to lead is one that's drug free, i don't want to put poisons into my body for what's considered 'fun'. This is my choice, I'm not preaching I'm just stating what i believe in, everyone is different, this is simply what I'm choosing to do. It's not an overnight decision, as the people who know me well will know,I've never really been a fan of drinking, even when i did have the occasional drink of alcohol It was once in a blue moon. For the last few months i have been sober and this is how I'm going to stay. At the start of this year i stayed sober for 2 months and then had a sip of beer as i thought 'oh what's the harm in a sip' but it made me see that maybe there isn't so much harm in a sip, but what does it achieve? Nothing. I do however see the harm in excessive drinking. I don't want to ever find myself where I'm not in control of my actions, or I have put myself in a dangerous or embarrassing situation because of harmful substances. I don't want to waste money on them, when it could go towards something that actually has a purpose. I don't want to lose or push away the ones i love because of them. I don't want to watch my mind deteriorate with every day that passes, i don't want to have problems later on in life because of them. I don't want to make a fool out of myself because of them. I don't want to resort to them when i feel sad or sorry for myself. I don't want to do drugs, drink or smoke. End of. I'm not writing this to try push what i've come to believe down other peoples throats, or to boast or to try make out as if i dislike people who choose to do them, I'm writing this so that I have a chance to explain myself before i get people trying to get at me for it, before people put me down in some way or another for it. I want to be drug free, so therefore i am. You can go on about how when i'm 18 i'll change my mind or whatever, and about how I'm doing it to follow some stupid trend. But I know why i'm doing this, I'm doing this for myself.

8.21pm

At this moment in time I'm perched on my bed, the sound of Pat Flynn's voice chanting 'Something more than ink!' is drifting into my ears from my Ipod speakers and I'm trying to decide what i want to achieve in life. I mean yes I'm only young, but there is only a few more exams left & I've officially left compulsory education. It's took this long for me to realise I'm actually leaving the confines of High school, the very thing I've yearned and longed for since day one. But ironically, I feel maybe a couple more years there wouldn't be too bad, would it? Oh well, College it is, no doubt about it. But once I've finished my A-levels, what then? I feel like i want a rough idea of where I'm going in life, aspirations, goals, anything! The tiniest arrow pointing me in the direction of my future would be appreciated right now. I'm probably sounding a tad over dramatic, but i feel as if i need to decide soon what i want out of life. I don't want to end up in a dead end 9-5 job for the rest of my life, I've worked hard in my exams and i don't want it to go to waste. I wan't to do something that i will be known for, remembered for, respected for. I think i need to start figuring out just what I'm going to do with my life from now on. xo