there is probably no actual point to this, but i'm enjoying wasting my time.

even more broke than i was before. great.


fuck money, i wish it didnt exist.

i hate my job, the people that i work with are lovely but the corporation that i am working for, i despise. i have been working there since october now and i hate myself for it. i feel as if i am a hypocrite, a walking contradiction. i try to make a difference there, encourage them to recycle and be more considerate and open minded, but nothing works. in a way i want to stay there and try make them change but i know they won't, they are too concerned about money to care about the damage they do to the earth. so my search for a new job begins tommorow,  i hope i can find somewhere else, somewhere that isn't soul destroing perhaps. also, on the subject, when i find a new job (if i find a new job) i am going to attempt to give up eggs, milk, etc. i want to be free of guilt and work somewhere that is productive, not destructive.

it's strange how we only really realise how good things are, when they are gone.
i spend so much of my time looking back at the past and thinking how i wish i'd just relaxed and enjoyed myself.
i was laying in bed with a friend on wednesday and he showed me this little postsecret book, one of the postcards said something that made me think all this. i want to be able to look back on my life and think i made the most of every day.

i'm happy for you, i'm jealous of you

time and age are not real, they simply enable us to measure how long we have left until we die.

the reason we fucking argue is because you cause the arguements, are you stupid or something?

The feeling of loneliness sets in once more, I'm past the point of wanting somebody, I' m at the point where I need somebody.

sometimes

i get this big smile on my face and this crazy feeling inside, this is always a bad sign.

i wish i was a crow so i could just fly away...

...i feel rather miserable and lonely. it's one of those days where you just feel like you're going to break down and cry. or is that just me?

tired.

you know things arent right when

A jls song makes you question if you made the right decision, oh man.

happy.

29/01/2010

i hope it doesnt rain today, i havent got an umbrella

I'm shivering a little, the coach is rather cold all of a sudden. Sometimes I wish that I could stay on a bus all day long and watch the birds fly past the window and the trees and fields pass by.

wow

i feel pretty awful.

Sometimes I put my head under the water in the bath, and wish I could swim away...

take me away to a unexplored uninhabited island

My own insecurities have me becoming more distant from the world every day

On the bus to college, it takes me an hour so I thought I would start making use of this time. Its raining outside. I tend to ignore everyone else on these journeys, put on my music and stare out the window. We have a new bus driver and he keeps slamming on the breaks, I dislike this. The weather matches my mood right now. Its so strange looking back at what things were like a year ago, I've grown up so much, met so many new people and learnt so much. However when it comes to this whole 'new year , new start' malarky I think its a load of rubbish. You can change in a year, but just because its a new year doesn't mean things will automatically be amazing. I really don't know where I'm going with this. I just think that it was silly of me to think that 2010 would bring change so early. Hmm