Luck

One for sorrow,

Two for joy

Three for a girl

Four for a boy

Five for silver

Six for gold

Seven for a secret never to be told.

Lately i've been feeling rather confused & nothing seemed to be working out.

But all of a sudden, for some unknown strange reason, i feel as if my lucks changing for the better, fingers crossed eh?

Don't you think

It's strange when the tables turn?

sometimes...

...you don't know where you stand in this world

in regards

to my blog entitled 'as i lay'. I'd like to state that;

1.)I do not claim edge, at no point in the blog did i even mention the words 'straight edge' I just feel that i would like to persue a life that is 'drug free'. I do not plan on claiming edge underage and would wait until im 18 to decide whether or not i would consider it.

2.)I wrote it not to preach in the slightest, I even said "I'm not preaching I'm just stating what I believe in, everyone is different, this is simply what i'm choosing to do".

3.)I wrote it so i got a chance to explain why i'm choosing not to drink, smoke & do drugs, before people found a way to get at me for it or to put me down in some way or another for it.

4.)I don't think being edge is something to brag about or think its really cool or makes you superior. I never said that, or implied that. I simply wrote my reasons for choosing to avoid harmful substances.

5.)I have never judged people for choosing to smoke or drink or whatever, i don't really agree with it but i don't judge people for it. Everyone's different and i respect that. I'm not one to judge.

I'm choosing to not put shit into my body, thats my choice, im not trying to brag over the internet or whatever. Because it's nothing to brag about. I wrote the post so i could explain before people got at me for this choice.

truth

i feel, is something that should be spoken without hesitation in nearly every situation we are thrown into. There are obviously some exceptions, however over the years that i've resided on this planet i've come to despise liars. Truth, verity & honesty are the best policies in my eyes. Over the last month one of my closest friends became someone i now want nothing to do with. Looking back i feel that i was foolish to have ever let him close to me and my family, he lied, he was selfish & he is a user. I was warned about him before and i dismissed any negative comments i heard. True friends are hard to come by, I found out the hard way that this particular person was not true at all. Since then I doubt people alot more, i have to constantly reassure myself to give people a chance, I worry that people arent as nice as they seem. I don't understand the logic behind a liars mind, i cannot comprehend why people lie to impress or decieve. I also cannot stress enough the importance of being true to yourself, to what you believe in, to who you are. Nowadays everybody seems to change their opinions in order to follow trends or to impress people, why i ask? You shouldnt believe in anything for anyone but yourself. Don't let anyone else change how you think or what you believe in, because at the end of the day your the only person who's going to be with you for the rest of your life. Don't kid yourself, just do what you think is right. You have a mind, so use it!

Déjà vu

French for 'Already Seen', A strange feeling where you are certain what your seeing has happened before, as if your living out something that's already occurred, when in fact you've never been in the situation before. Down to a 'glitch in the matrix', psychic tendencies, a momentary infinitesimal lag in the operation of two co-active sensory nerve centers that commonly function simultaneously or maybe we're reliving events that happened in a past life? I don't know what causes it, but i do know that it happens to me, nearly every single day of my life without fail. It's not just eerie but also concerns me, feeling like your reliving scenes of your life that never actually happened isn't really that fun when it's on a daily basis. There is so many explanations for Deja Vu, however all of the scientific jargon in the world cannot reassure me that my life is not on repeat. These constant episodes of this odd happening are making me question so many things that i once had no doubt in. Life is so very complicated, and lately my mind is trying to discover and uncover so much about myself and the world i'm living in. I may not be able to grasp why this is happening but all i can say is that Neo is nowhere to be seen!

as i lay

on my bed sunshine gleams through my blinds, the summer is finally here. Over the last few days I've spent a lot of time travelling. I haven't yet decided on what career i want to aim for, however It's given me time to think about my life, the person I've become and also the person I aspire to be. I've come to the conclusion that the life i want to lead is one that's drug free, i don't want to put poisons into my body for what's considered 'fun'. This is my choice, I'm not preaching I'm just stating what i believe in, everyone is different, this is simply what I'm choosing to do. It's not an overnight decision, as the people who know me well will know,I've never really been a fan of drinking, even when i did have the occasional drink of alcohol It was once in a blue moon. For the last few months i have been sober and this is how I'm going to stay. At the start of this year i stayed sober for 2 months and then had a sip of beer as i thought 'oh what's the harm in a sip' but it made me see that maybe there isn't so much harm in a sip, but what does it achieve? Nothing. I do however see the harm in excessive drinking. I don't want to ever find myself where I'm not in control of my actions, or I have put myself in a dangerous or embarrassing situation because of harmful substances. I don't want to waste money on them, when it could go towards something that actually has a purpose. I don't want to lose or push away the ones i love because of them. I don't want to watch my mind deteriorate with every day that passes, i don't want to have problems later on in life because of them. I don't want to make a fool out of myself because of them. I don't want to resort to them when i feel sad or sorry for myself. I don't want to do drugs, drink or smoke. End of. I'm not writing this to try push what i've come to believe down other peoples throats, or to boast or to try make out as if i dislike people who choose to do them, I'm writing this so that I have a chance to explain myself before i get people trying to get at me for it, before people put me down in some way or another for it. I want to be drug free, so therefore i am. You can go on about how when i'm 18 i'll change my mind or whatever, and about how I'm doing it to follow some stupid trend. But I know why i'm doing this, I'm doing this for myself.

8.21pm

At this moment in time I'm perched on my bed, the sound of Pat Flynn's voice chanting 'Something more than ink!' is drifting into my ears from my Ipod speakers and I'm trying to decide what i want to achieve in life. I mean yes I'm only young, but there is only a few more exams left & I've officially left compulsory education. It's took this long for me to realise I'm actually leaving the confines of High school, the very thing I've yearned and longed for since day one. But ironically, I feel maybe a couple more years there wouldn't be too bad, would it? Oh well, College it is, no doubt about it. But once I've finished my A-levels, what then? I feel like i want a rough idea of where I'm going in life, aspirations, goals, anything! The tiniest arrow pointing me in the direction of my future would be appreciated right now. I'm probably sounding a tad over dramatic, but i feel as if i need to decide soon what i want out of life. I don't want to end up in a dead end 9-5 job for the rest of my life, I've worked hard in my exams and i don't want it to go to waste. I wan't to do something that i will be known for, remembered for, respected for. I think i need to start figuring out just what I'm going to do with my life from now on. xo