29/01/2010

i hope it doesnt rain today, i havent got an umbrella

I'm shivering a little, the coach is rather cold all of a sudden. Sometimes I wish that I could stay on a bus all day long and watch the birds fly past the window and the trees and fields pass by.

wow

i feel pretty awful.

Sometimes I put my head under the water in the bath, and wish I could swim away...

take me away to a unexplored uninhabited island

My own insecurities have me becoming more distant from the world every day

On the bus to college, it takes me an hour so I thought I would start making use of this time. Its raining outside. I tend to ignore everyone else on these journeys, put on my music and stare out the window. We have a new bus driver and he keeps slamming on the breaks, I dislike this. The weather matches my mood right now. Its so strange looking back at what things were like a year ago, I've grown up so much, met so many new people and learnt so much. However when it comes to this whole 'new year , new start' malarky I think its a load of rubbish. You can change in a year, but just because its a new year doesn't mean things will automatically be amazing. I really don't know where I'm going with this. I just think that it was silly of me to think that 2010 would bring change so early. Hmm

3:33

Leave me alone.

Sometimes I think that I read too much into the birds. Somehow I find significance in their actions. I think too much.

6.59

I'm choosing to write on here because i know nobody reads this, yesterday a sort of relationship ended, well not a relationship, somebody that i took a fancy to and i decided there wasn't much point going any further. I was fine with it overall, but now i've become lonely, not because of this particular person but because i've realised being single really does suck. I've never had a proper relationship, all the previous 'boyfriends' or 'boys i've been seeing' haven't been real relationships. I just want something that lasts, that makes me happy, that works.

nobody reads this so i'm just going to post this, i need to vent. I hate the fact that i have hardly any girl mates that have the same interests as me, don't get me wrong i love my friends, but it would be nice to have a few more that have more i have things in common with.

Do something for your self, or don't do it at all.

I finally got a job, it's not exactly what i wanted to do, but it's a job nonetheless. In a few weeks time i'll get paid money that i have earnt myself, this makes me happy. Life is suprisingly good at the moment, i'm not going to dwell on certain things that have made me upset, because well, whats the point?. This summer i'm going  to go to Belgium and the Czech republic. I can't wait. Gives me something to look forward to and save up for. 2010 will be a good year, i'm going to make sure of it.

they say you never realise how much something means to you until its gone. true that.

october leaves.

People are ignorant, people are arrogant, people are scum. Well, the majority atleast. Theres a handful that are genuine, or so i hope. It may sound as if i'm being rather negative but i'm really not, just realistic. It just makes me angry when you are all oblivious when it comes to people who are genuinley bad people. Open your eyes. Is it not obvious to you that they aren't kind, they aren't nice, so why are you so convinced they are?  This city, is full to the brim of terible people, this summer, i'm getting out of here. That's not a proposition, it's a promise.

j'adore l'hiver

I need to vent.
The world does not revolve around you. It makes me laugh, you feel the need to make inside jokes about me to someone you've met twice. At first i felt upset, then it turned to anger, now it's just pity. I'm happy with who i am, so i really could not care less what your opinion on me is. I'm not arrogant, i don't think i'm better than people so just drop it it's boring now. This is my last post about this whole situation because i really cannot be bothered to waste my time. I just needed to get that out. 3 years down the drain.

your scum.

Fear