Do something for your self, or don't do it at all.

I finally got a job, it's not exactly what i wanted to do, but it's a job nonetheless. In a few weeks time i'll get paid money that i have earnt myself, this makes me happy. Life is suprisingly good at the moment, i'm not going to dwell on certain things that have made me upset, because well, whats the point?. This summer i'm going  to go to Belgium and the Czech republic. I can't wait. Gives me something to look forward to and save up for. 2010 will be a good year, i'm going to make sure of it.

they say you never realise how much something means to you until its gone. true that.

october leaves.

People are ignorant, people are arrogant, people are scum. Well, the majority atleast. Theres a handful that are genuine, or so i hope. It may sound as if i'm being rather negative but i'm really not, just realistic. It just makes me angry when you are all oblivious when it comes to people who are genuinley bad people. Open your eyes. Is it not obvious to you that they aren't kind, they aren't nice, so why are you so convinced they are?  This city, is full to the brim of terible people, this summer, i'm getting out of here. That's not a proposition, it's a promise.

j'adore l'hiver

I need to vent.
The world does not revolve around you. It makes me laugh, you feel the need to make inside jokes about me to someone you've met twice. At first i felt upset, then it turned to anger, now it's just pity. I'm happy with who i am, so i really could not care less what your opinion on me is. I'm not arrogant, i don't think i'm better than people so just drop it it's boring now. This is my last post about this whole situation because i really cannot be bothered to waste my time. I just needed to get that out. 3 years down the drain.

your scum.

Fear

Some people never learn, no remorse, no respect, no nothing. At the end of the day everything happens for a reason. I'll live.

i wish we didnt have emotions sometimes
it just makes everything too confusing.

p.s

i need to control my anger.

im really excited about this winter.
im really excited about life.
i want to meet new people, get closer to the people ive drifted from, spend time with the people i love most.

theres a handful of people that i hold close to my heart, and it's getting less and less constantly.
i don't know how alot of them feel about me anymore. It really gets to me.
then there are other cases when i know exactly how they feel and i don't want to believe it.
when friends turn to aquaintances, when the ones you've loved turn to strangers, it gets you down.
i'm in a positive mindset, but its something thats on my mind lately.
i've met so many new people over the last few weeks, it's amazing how quickly friendships have been made and how close everyone seems already, however i still miss my other friends.
at times i hate emotions, i hate humanity, i truly do.
Tonight i realised how much i love one of my closest friends, sometimes its odd how something you think would push you apart, brings you closer.
This post is all over the place but oh well, just need to vent a tad.
I also came to the conclusion yesterday that i have changed, i'm glad. I don't care what you all think of me, im happy with who i am, i'm proud of the person i've become.
I also realised, i don't need a certain someone in a certain way, i was a fool for being so stupid. Your a liar, a player and a user. You said it, friends, and thats how it will always be regardless of what happens in the future, that was your last chance.
I realised that i want to be a photographer, it's what i want to do, i've got determination, i will do it.
I realised that stupid little girls that make up rumours don't deserve my time.
I realised that i need to stop letting myself get into a position where i'm messed around.
I realised that i need to start working hard and get organised & responsible.
I realised alot basically.

i want to feel lips brush against mine.
i want to feel arms wrapped round me.
i want to fall for someone that falls for me too.


it'd be nice :)

p.s. i need to invest in a diary.

this is going to be an interesting night

Today: Saturday 19 September

Quite an intensely emotional Saturday is in store, especially when it comes to romance. You may be suffocating a partner with your demands, though. Ease up a little and give people their freedom. You know how the old saying goes: if you love someone, let them go free. If they come back, they're yours - if they don't, they never were.

I'm happy right now.
I love the feeling after cutting someone loose that holds you back.
Only been at college just over a week but i'm enjoying it so much, i'm liking this whole fresh start business. Met some lovely people already, can't wait to meet more.
What i'm looking forward to now is;
Gravemaker
Alexisonfire
Halloween (being a zombie air hostess or a pin up girl)
Also i would like to add,  i hate liars.
I STILL havent figured out what i want to be when i'm older. If you've read my posts then you'll know that right at the start i was trying to get a slight idea about what i would like to aim to be. Right now i just think that i'd be interested in doing something either; to do with saving the enviroment, something in photography, something with animals. Just rough ideas really. Hmmm! But yeh, lifes good. Positive outlook.

done with you. time for a fresh start i think.  fingers crossed someone lovely will pop out of thin air.
unlikely. but theres always hope, isn't there?

grab my hand,
i clench my fist.
lean in to me
i reject your kiss.
your eyes glaze over
i hardly blink
is my heart still there
oh i dread to think.

my minds a mess, so confused, so complicated. Why can't this just be simple, why can't everything just be simple? Tonight was so good, but now i'm so confused. Lonely, puzzled and scared. Give me a sign, anything, please?